She's Not A Mary Sue, Honest

[flwrpwr_vampyre]

Authors: Myself and keevacaereni
Rating: R-ish
Warnings: Het sex, Mary Sue, cliches
Summary: All Rorschach needs is the right woman
Nothes: So, mirai_gohan challenged her flist to write her a Watchmen bad!fic. This is the result.

Tiffany Amber Darkholme was walking home in the dark from Hot Topic.



She wasn't at all startled when Rorschach jumped down in front of her. In fact she was excited, her violet eyes lighting up in delight. She'd always wanted to meet this man, he was so much like her!


She like totally understood pain, because her dad was mean and wouldn’t let her go out drinking at night with her friends. She did anyway though, lol.



She gazed up at the infamous mask from her tiny height of 5 foot nothing. She had complained about it before but now knowing that she could make Rorschach feel tall and manly she loved it. The mask changed and she caught her breath, it looked like two lips touching and she wondered if he was thinking the same thing she was.



Her perfectly made up eyes (with lots of mascara) looked downwards, past his manly arms and chest and further down to his manhood. The passion that filled her was overwhelming.

He lifted up his mask and her gaze flew upwards as her rosebud shaped lips formed an O of surprise. Suddenly she noticed that he was breathing heavily too and she tingled with the knowledge that he wanted her just as badly.

"Hi, I'm Tiffany Amber but my friends call me Mary Sue. Uh, pleased to meet you!"

Oh God! She sounded like such an idiot! He wouldn't like her al all now. What was she going to do?

Tears filled her eyes, pooling over and spilling down her perfectly smooth cheeks. Suddenly she was enveloped in a hug, his strong arms wrapping around her. She snuggled into him as she wept. He smelled so good, he was like some shining knight come to rescue her from her dull life and take her away. She never wanted him to let go.

He pulled back slightly so he could stoke her cheek, fingers gentle and kind.



She gazed up to where his eyes would be if she could see them and mirrored his movements breathlessly. His stubble scratched against her soft fingertips and she couldn't believe her dreams, her fantasies were coming true.



She moved her hands down to his throat, slowly untying his scarf and a few buttons on his trench coat. She ran her fingertips over his Adam’s apple and felt him gulp. He grabbed her hand and gently sucked her fingers until she gasped.



She went weak in the knees, would have fallen if he didn't catch her and pick her up. Her legs, perfectly smooth and a pale white, wrapped around his waist. She could feel his bulging erection against her hello kitty panties.



Wait, what was she doing? About to have sex in an alley with, okay yeah, the hottest man alive except for Adrian Veidt. Good girls didn't do stuff like this!


Aw who cares, she thought as she slid down her pants and braced against the wall.



Lucky for both of them she wasn't a good girl. She thrust her behind out behind her and gasped as he smacked it. How had he known that she had a spanking thing?



She moaned as he sped up, the rhythm of his thrusts matching the rhythm of his spanking. Neither of them were going to last long-he was too desperate and she was too good.



She orgasmed without him even touching her, just like a woman should. Just his penis was enough for her.



He came a few moments later, filling her to the brim. She slid down the wall, gasping with pleasure.

They walked to his house together, where he held the door open for her and let her babble excitedly about redecorating.



She wrinkled her cute button nose at how drab the place was and resolved to get curtains.

They were going to live happily ever after and he chuckled when she sighed this out loud.



"Oh Rory" She sighed. "I love you so much it's almost unbelievable!"

"I love you too" He said.


THE END.

Comments

[force-oblique.livejournal.com]

Will review once I see watchmen! ^^

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

Honest to god there's absolutely no spoilers whatsoever. There's nothing in character, this fic has no redeeming features, honest.

[moorishflower.livejournal.com]

I am appalled and amazed.

And very, very sore from laughing.

<3

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

You would not believe how hard it was to write too!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for commenting!

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

And I thought you said you didn't right crackfic, you lying liar that lies!

God, I love this on so many levels.

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

I do occasionally but I can't sit down and plan to write it. This is definitely spur of the moment.

I'm glad it turned out good!

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

Well, it's really fantastic.

I kind of want to spork teh Mary Sue though; do you think anyone would object terribly if she were to be mysteriously dropped down an elevator shaft? Or feed to man-eating goldfish?

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

She's already living in a cage in my head. *grin*

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

Fantastic.

I would've loved to have seen Adrian's face if she were to try and come onto him, though. Him and the Com --who in my brain are busy fucking like bunnies in the background, even as they beat the snot out of each other.

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

Horror. The world finally would have seen him cry in terror.

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

I do believe it would also be the first time that the Com did something that you could almost consider a sign of love and caring; what better way to say you care than to pummel the person that made your lover cry in terror?

Hmm...

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

*giggles* He's so selfless our Comedian.

[thestraychild.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, he's a real peach.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Seriously, lift shafts, goldfish, sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, just get rid of her. She is taking over my brain!

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

I swear I looked in the mirror this morning and my eyes flash violet! *sobs*

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

*pats* There there, I'm sure you were just imagining it. Mary Sues aren't real silly!

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what they say about zombies. Er...

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Who told you zombies weren't real? Of course they are! Why do you think I have a machete in my basement?

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

I thought everyone had an anti-zombie machete in their house. DO YOU MEAN SOME PEOPLE DON'T?!

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

They are misguided fools, hopelessly led astray by govermental propaganda.

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

Don't they know that the government is made up of LYING LIARS who LIE?

[roachpatrol.livejournal.com]

I have a short sword. Machetes are un-American.

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

You're un-American!

[roachpatrol.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh that girl is like my soul-mate, rite? I like Ror-chan TOO! I am totes gonna steal her and write her in my own story, okay? You should be flattered, okay? Okay!

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

Only if you drop her down an elevator shaft. *amuses self*